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adriansummerton

May I offer some advice?

How do you feel when someone asks for your advice?


I love being asked for my advice. I feel important, valued, respected, useful.


How do you feel when someone offers you advice?


For me it depends. If I’ve asked for it, I’m more likely to view it positively.

If I haven’t asked for it, my feelings will likely depend on:


  • Who’s offering it.

  • My perception of their “agenda”.

  • The nature of the advice, and how I feel about the issue / problem.


How do these feelings differ?


The feelings differ in that in the first question, it’s really straightforward, and almost entirely positive, whereas in the second, it’s far more nuanced and prone to negativity.


Why is this?


Because I don’t always take things at face value, am prone to over analyse and look for hidden meanings. In some instances, someone giving me advice can land as criticism, and this goes right back to childhood.


These are just my own personal reflections.


Whilst we’ll all have our own view on this, there’s also a general point. If someone hasn’t asked you for advice, they’re less likely to be receptive to it. Sometimes, when someone is downloading a problem on you, they just want to do this, and no more. It can be very helpful just to be heard, without interruption, judgement or advice.


Also, when you're about to offer someone advice, when they've not asked for it, ask yourself what YOUR agenda is, and be honest with yourself. It's not always as it seems.


What are your experiences?



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